One of my leadership principles is:
Trust is the foundational currency of interpersonal (including professional) relationships, and therefore of professional and organizational effectiveness.
You increase your leverage by building trust.
There are a variety of ways to help people trust you: doing what you say you're going to do, being honest and kind, taking accountability when things go wrong. Listening and being empathetic also go a long way.
But what do you do when the trust issue is on the other side? When you’re struggling to trust others, because they aren't being effective or responsible — or worse, seem to be acting in bad faith?
It's always an option to just write people off. But it's often not a good option. Sometimes various factors make it hard (or disadvantageous) to disengage (like if your job requires you to collaborate with these people). It's likely that at least some of these people have the potential to limit or amplify your effectiveness based on the quality of your relationship with them.
So what can you do?
First, try not to respond in ways that make it harder for them to trust you. This may be challenging, and it may seem pointless, but if there's going to be any chance of rebuilding trust, start by not making things worse.
In order to do this, you may need to build some emotional skills. If someone does something that pushes your buttons, it's normal to react automatically — but not necessarily useful. The ability to pause, feel, and consider before reacting is a muscle that can be developed. Meditation, therapy, and other practices that build self-awareness and self-regulation are helpful here.
Second, assume good intent. While purposefully malicious behavior does sometimes happen, it's the exception and not the rule. It's possible (even likely) that this person's behavior makes total sense from their perspective and they are just doing their best.
Third, this person could probably use your feedback. This could be a challenging conversation! There are some good books on how to have this type of conversation effectively. Crucial Conversations provides a workplace-appropriate, nuts-and-bolts framework that anyone can use. Fierce Conversations approaches the same topic with more of an emphasis on feelings and values. (For a less-workplace-oriented take on how to be authentic and honest while still being kind, I also recommend Getting Real.)
Here's the thing, tho: in order to be most effective, a feedback conversation shouldn't just be about giving feedback. If your main goal in the conversation is to get your point across, you've missed an important opportunity. Sure, you might say your piece and the other person might nod and say they understand, and if you're lucky, maybe they even change their behavior. But did the conversation increase trust and mutual understanding?
As any kind of leader, your leverage in an organization is fundamentally relational. You are not an island: your effectiveness depends on other people (and therefore, on the quality of your relationships with them). So a "feedback conversation" isn't just about feedback, it's about relationship-building.
Be kind and curious. Express your own positive intentions. Seek first to understand, then to be understood. "Go meta" and talk about how the two of you are communicating and how that communication can be improved.
Heartful, authentic conversations like this build mutual trust and increase psychological safety for everyone. In the best case, they build strong alliances. But even if a conversation just makes someone a little less hard to work with, that still makes your job that much easier.
All of this advice also applies when others don’t seem to trust you in spite of all your hard work: assume good intent, have the hard conversations, invest in the relationship.
Trust is the foundational currency. Your job as a leader is to build trust — others' trust in you, AND your trust in others.